Thoughts, essays, and writings on Liberty. Written by the heirs of Patrick Henry.

February 28, 2008

Wake Up When The Alarm Clock Goes Off…

by Brad Warbiany

…or you just might find yourself supporting the American Socialist Party:

For years the masses have told you that if you snooze you lose. You never believed them. You held your head high and slept in whenever you wanted to, always without fear of loss. Well, dear friends, the times have changed. The ingenious sages at ThinkGeek Labs(TM) have finally created the Ultimate weapon against snoozing – the Sn?zNL?z(TM). People who enjoy sleeping in are cowering in fear all across the globe – it’s finally true, when you snooze, you lose!

ThinkGeek, it sounds great! But how does it really work?
Glad you asked….it’s quite simple actually. The Sn?zNL?z uses the very complex psychological phenomemon known as ‘HATRED’. Basically it’s human nature to wish harm upon your enemies. Similarly, it’s human nature not to give your enemies gobs of cash so that they can grow big and dominate the world with their totally wrong, stupid and invalid point of view. ThinkGeek realized that. That’s why everytime you hit the snooze button, the Sn?zNL?z will donate a specified amount of your real money to a non-profit you hate. The problem of sleeping in is solved.

And it’s easy to setup and use too! Just plug your Sn?zNL?z in and either connect it to your network via the RJ45 jack on the back, or via WiFi (WPA supported) if available. Then simply configure via the embedded web browser configuration utility. From here it’s a snap. Simply select your online banking institution from the list of supported banks (currently over 1600 are supported). Supply your login information and then select your favorite HATED charity or non-profit from the included lists (over 6200 currently supported). Then plug in your donation amount per snooze incident ($10 or more), set the time, and alarm, and voila, instant time profit!

I’ll admit, I’m usually guilty of the snooze button mentality. I compensate by setting the alarm earlier than necessary, so that I know I have extra snooze time in the morning. Some people, on the other hand, will hit snooze until they’re late for work (or whatever else they’re supposed to do in the morning). I’m sure this would be quite a good incentive to stop that behavior!

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  • Joseph

    Ha – the alarm clock snooze button connected to your paypal. Incorporate that with a Social Alarm Clock (see Sleep.FM ), one that demeans you as you give your money away and you got an even crazier way of getting your butt out of bed.

    I just saw a alarm clock that makes you solve a math problem to stop the buzzing. Which I find odd, as I just wake up when I hear the sounds coming from my alarm clock (like my g/f’s messages).

  • http://poppychop.net/ Nitroadict

    My alarm clock would consist of one sentence from Naomi Klein. Nothing would make me get out of bed faster, and stopping the alarm, than her idiotic drivel.

  • http://dangerouslyidealistic.blogspot.com/ UCrawford

    Joseph,

    I just saw a alarm clock that makes you solve a math problem to stop the buzzing.

    That one would never work with me…I’d wake up and either unplug it or fling it across the room to get it to shut up. Alarm clocks are like fingernails down a chalkboard for me…they need to be silent as quickly as possible :)

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