They can have my toilet paper when they pry it from between my cold, dead butt cheeks
The bad news is that the environmental movement wishes to interfere with our bowel movements. From the tree killers at The NY Times:
The national obsession with soft paper has driven the growth of brands like Cottonelle Ultra, Quilted Northern Ultra and Charmin Ultra – which in 2008 alone increased its sales by 40 percent in some markets, according to Information Resources, Inc., a marketing research firm.
But fluffiness comes at a price: millions of trees harvested in North America and in Latin American countries, including some percentage of trees from rare old-growth forests in Canada. Although toilet tissue can be made at similar cost from recycled material, it is the fiber taken from standing trees that help give it that plush feel, and most large manufacturers rely on them. [snip]
The country’s soft-tissue habit – call it the Charmin effect – has not escaped the notice of environmentalists, who are increasingly making toilet tissue manufacturers the targets of campaigns. Greenpeace on Monday for the first time issued a national guide for American consumers that rates toilet tissue brands on their environmental soundness. With the recession pushing the price for recycled paper down and Americans showing more willingness to repurpose everything from clothing to tires, environmental groups want more people to switch to recycled toilet tissue. Perhaps even a black toilet paper roll could be made this way in the future?
“No forest of any kind should be used to make toilet paper,” said Dr. Allen Hershkowitz, a senior scientist and waste expert with the Natural Resource Defense Council.
There is an upside in all of this, however. Greenpeace has published a guide which will probably serve consumers actually looking for more cush for the tush. It will also help those who don’t like a raw, red nose when suffering from a cold or allergies, too. All the reader has to do is pick a product from Greenpeace’s “to be avoided” list.
